DA Revelations Episode 10: In Ecstasy
by AngelExposed
Summary: Following Rogue's surprise, the first day of the year brings squabbling about the lack of intimacy in her relationship with Remy; Remy reveals some very personal stuff to Kitty before deciding to take matters into his own hands MATURE content, be warned.
1. Chapter 1 Proposal

DA Revelations – Episode 10

In Ecstasy

(Authors note: Before you all read this I want to give a heads up that a: there will be reference to drugs in this episode, and some sexual content. TURN BACK NOW if you don't agree with either.)

Chapter 1 - Proposal

There were a million other things she could have said at that moment as he knelt before her; and those million other things would have been just as unpredictable as those two simple words she'd said. They were words that he wasn't even sure he _had_ heard her say. He was unsure if he'd been dreaming, or if perhaps, he'd misheard her. Her voice had been so quiet he couldn't be quite sure.

Maybe it was just a case of hearing what he _wanted_ to hear.

He swallowed and drew a deep breath to gaze up at her, to search her eyes; of all the things he wanted to say, his reaction of "what?" wasn't exactly at the top of the list. But it was all he could manage.

Rogue gave a nervous smile, it was an unfamiliar awkward one. But despite the nervousness, she looked surprisingly...calm. She didn't look like the kind of woman who was about to take her words back.

He stood, slowly, he felt uncontrollably queasy and lightheaded. "I...I need some air," he responded; he turned and promptly went outside to the back porch. The fairy lights across the back lawn glimmered beautifully in the dark. In the distance, fireworks exploded in bursts of yellow, purple and blue, sparkles showered across the night sky like falling gemstones.

Remy leaned against the cold stone porch rails and stared up at the sky; he breathed in deeply and tried to compose himself. He wasn't sure what had come over him – it wasn't like him to take such a strange turn over two words.

"Remy?" he heard Rogue's voice at his back.

He didn't look over his shoulder to see her, he continued to look at the sky, "I'm okay...I just needed some cool air...I felt a little weird..." he responded, slightly embarrassed for having taken the reaction. Her hand upon his back was reassuring, gentle.

"I'm sorry," she sighed tenderly to him.

With an ironic laugh, he glanced at her over his shoulder, "you're sorry? You're apologising...for what?"

"For...catching you off guard, maybe..." she confessed.

He shrugged, the pain in his chest kept reminding him of why he shouldn't have done so, "that's kind of the point, isn't it? When you propose...supposed to be somewhat a surprise..."

"You would know, of course," she moved to stand beside him, "you've proposed to me god knows how many times."

"Officially, only two or three maybe. The other times were just jabs," he commented, but sighed; his breath misted in the air and disappeared into the darkness.

"I screwed up, didn't I?" she asked sounding oddly cool.

Truthfully, she had. Asking him to marry her right then, it had been the last thing he'd really expected or needed to hear. He was about to start therapy, he was going to stop drinking, he had a daughter now that he needed to focus on getting to know better, and he had new powers he was going to be learning to control.

Hearing her propose might have been welcome at any other time...except from now, when there were so many other things he needed to deal with before accepting that proposal would be right.

"It...it's been one of the most amazing surprises I've ever had...bein' asked to marry you," he turned to look at her. "But the timing..."

She looked away from him.

"It wouldn't be _fair_ for me to accept that proposal right now. I'm about to start seein' a shrink...alcoholics anonymous...I mean...how could I just say _yes _before I've even _begun_ to fix myself."

"But you _have_," she pointed out, "you've already begun making plans and that's the start."

"I need to do more. When I'm better...when I'm totally dry, and totally _sane_, expect me to come begging for that proposal. But for now...it just can't happen. Not yet. I need to fix my life first."

"Fine..." she nodded, "do what you need to do, then let me know when you're ready...and I'll be here. As always."

He searched her eyes, "why now? I mean...after all this time, after all the failed attempts of me asking _you_, why _now_ did you feel the need to ask me?"

"There's something different about you. It feels like...I don't know...like for the first time since that day you arrived here years ago...that...you've settled."

Staring into space, he pondered this. It was true. He _had_ settled; or at least had begun to. Now that he had something to keep him there – something more than just Rogue. If things didn't go right with Rogue, he'd always have that option to leave – or at least had before discovering what he had at Christmas. But now? Now he had Jessie – and whether anything went wrong with Rogue or not, he couldn't just up and leave this time. He had a responsibility – a link.

"I feel like for the first time since I fell in love with you that you aren't just going to take off and disappear without a by you or leave," Rogue chewed her lip, "I've always _trusted_ you, somewhat, but now...I feel like I can trust you _completely_."

Remy smiled at her, "I'm never taking off again – at least not without you by my side," he promised, and he silently added _and Jessie,_ in the sentence. "And..." he took a deep breath, "we will, of course, get married – eventually. But right now, I can't think about getting engaged – not until I'm _better._"

Rogue nodded, her eyes told him she really did understand, that she even somewhat felt slightly relieved he'd declined. Never the less, the whole thing was very reassuring. Things were progressing – things were evolving. The relationship wasn't going to sit stale and stationary anymore.

"I love you so much," Remy reached towards her cheek but she flinched away.

"No electric shocks," she warned.

He smirked, "okay."

"Are you two gonna get _married?_"

They both turned to see Jessie standing there at the open door, she was chewing her cheek, her large blue-grey eyes very serious and thoughtful.

"Not quite," Remy said, but he smiled at the promise of what was to come.

Rogue looked away from the child, Remy thought he saw her cheeks flush just briefly. Rogue was not as comfortable with Jessie as she was with the other students – perhaps it was that the girl was so tiny and fragile compared to the older kids, Remy pondered.

Remy cupped the left side of Jessie's face fondly; her cheek was cold and already turning red. How long had she stood there listening to he and Rogue talking, he wondered.

"I'm gonna go inside," said Rogue quietly, "and Jessie, you should be in bed."

"I'm going," Jessie nodded, she watched Rogue pass by and disappear into the mansion; her breath misted into the air tiny little puffs of grey.

"C'mon, I'll take you upstairs," Remy took Jessie's tiny hand and led the way inside, shutting the back door behind himself quietly.

As they walked upstairs together, hand in hand, Jessie softly said, "you love her a lot."

Remy slowed slightly, and glanced at her, "she's...my soul mate," he admitted after a moment, "you know what that means?"

She climbed up the stairs awkwardly with her small legs, the sparkles on her dress glimmered, reflecting the tiny bulbs of the fairy lights twisted around the banisters of the double wide stairwell. "I think so," she answered, with a nod. "So...you aren't going to get married?" she asked, apparently she didn't want the subject to drop.

He thought carefully about how to answer as they approached the top landing, and they made their way across the hall towards her tiny bedroom. "We are," he finally said, "just...not for a while."

"How come?" Jessie asked as she pushed the door of her bedroom open and stepped inside, still holding tightly onto his hand with her tiny one.

"It's just not the right time, is all," Remy admitted.

Jessie sat upon her bed and kicked her sneakers off without undoing the laces. "How do you know it's not the right time?"

"Instinct," he replied, he felt terribly awkward trying to explain this all to a child; he imagined that by the time she was sixteen, their roles would be reversed and he would be asking her questions about her love life. The thought pleased him and at the same time, saddened him. Would she even know their true relationship in nine years time?

Jessie awkwardly removed her costume wings and looked down at them, her face saddening. "I'm kind of glad."

"Hmm?" he asked, he sat beside her on the small bed, he felt like a giant in stature compared to her tiny frail frame.

"That you're waiting a while..." she tossed the wings over to her toy box, where they landed perfectly. She sighed and kicked her legs absently.

Remy studied her face; it was strange how as young as she looked, how grown up she sounded, how mature and thoughtful, and adult. "Why?"

"Because when you and Rogue get married, you'll forget all about me," she moved over to her dresser and retrieved her pyjamas.

He stood up, still watching her, "That's never going to happen, mignon," he promised; he let her see that he crossed his heart with his index finger. "Never," he stroked her hair, and sighed. "Goodnight," he whispered softly before leaving the room; even as he closed the door he heard her sigh to herself. She didn't believe him – somehow, with his track record of keeping promises, he couldn't blame her.


	2. Chapter 2 Futile

Chapter 2 - Futile

The party was still going in full swing – although now several more people were drunk and behaving more foolishly it seemed. He glanced towards the drinks table noting Rogue pouring herself a drink; her expression was very pensive. She didn't seem as calm and accepting as she had only fifteen minutes before.

He moved over to her, stepping behind her and gently placing his hands on her hips; he gently blew a soft breath upon her ear and noted the shiver she made in response.

"Hi," she said softly, she glanced over her shoulder at him.

"Y'know, you are _the_ most beautiful woman in the room tonight," he slid his right arm all the way around her to pull her closer to him, her shoulder pressed into his wound and although it was agony, he didn't care. "You should be dancing with me."

"When was the last time we danced?" Rogue asked absently, bringing her glass to her lips and taking a small sip.

Remy breathed in the smell of her perfume, "far too long to remember," he took the glass from her with his other hand and placed it down upon the drinks table, "c'mon."

She didn't fight him; as he led her to the dance floor, he thought of Jean and Scott's engagement party at the Bayville Hotel before he'd left; Rogue hadn't danced with him then...in fact, she'd been distant with him.

As she wrapped her arms carefully around his neck, and he around her waist, they swayed to the music, tinkling pianos and soft saxophone carried them off into forgetting the rest of the room was around them. Her head was soon resting upon his shoulder and he was swaying with his eyes closed, trying to imagine their future together once he'd pulled himself together.

The next hour seemed to melt away like the ice sculpture on the drinks table. People left in twos and threes, and soon, the mansion's ballroom was made up of a few guests who were staying over, and the hosts. It was only two in the morning by the time it was all over; and exhaustion was already settling in.

Ororo and Hank were already beginning to clean up the aftermath of the party – plastic cups and streamers, party favors and pieces of food.

"I should go help," said Rogue, breaking away from Remy finally.

"I'll help too," Remy offered.

"No," Rogue shook her head, she touched his chest tentatively, right where his wound was; he flinched. "You're sore," she pointed out. "You should go get some sleep – you look exhausted."

He was exhausted – and not in the mood for an argument about it either. "Okay," he agreed.

"Listen..." said Rogue softly, she fixed the collar of his shirt, she didn't meet his eyes, "Sam got drunk and they put him up in my room..." she toyed with the top button of his shirt, "so...can I...?"

"Crash in my room? Yeah. I can't guarantee I'll be _awake_ when you make it up there...but..."

"It's fine," Rogue kissed the fingertips of her satin gloves and gently touched his lips, "go sleep."

He kissed her gloved fingertips, then left her to go up to his room; exhaustion settling into his shoulders and aching his back as he climbed the stairs. He made a stop at Jessie's room first, to check on her; he crept in quietly and examined her in the light spilling in from the hallway. She was sound asleep, her tiny arm draped over a stuffed toy. He adjusted her blankets and then left the room; deliberately leaving her door open just a little so he would be sure to hear her if she should have another nightmare tonight.

His room was slightly cold when he entered; the heating in the mansion being old and very unreliable. He shivered as he undressed; he pulled a sweatshirt and jogging pants on to wear to bed in preparation not only for the cold night ahead, but for Rogue to spend the night beside him. He didn't want any accidents – especially when she became unhappy with the concept of being shocked electrically by his new powers.

Slipping under the covers, he settled against the pillows and closed his eyes. He was unsure how long he'd drifted off for when he felt the other side of the bed shifting under Rogue's weight as she climbed into bed with him, and he was only just vaguely aware of it.

"Time 's it?" he asked tiredly.

"Four," Rogue whispered quietly, "go back to sleep."

He rolled over, although in the darkness he could just barely make out her features. "I'm sorry about tonight."

"You don't need to apologise," Rogue decided, "you're right, my timing was stupid and your answer was the right one. The responsible one. I'm not even mad."

"Good," he smiled a little and bridged the gap between them by sliding closer, he draped his arm over her.

She moved into him, "you're so warm."

"Not warm enough," he breathed.

"We could fix that you know," she softly murmured, he felt her hand upon his stomach.

He bit the inside of his cheek, "I..." he paused, her hand shifted lower, just below his navel and he shifted away suddenly from her. "No! We had a deal."

She sat up, "What the--?"

"We work on your powers and mine...figure a way to touch without it bein' over clothes, then we'll figure out the _physical_ stuff, chere. Not until."

Rogue ran her fingers through her hair frustratedly, she shook her head, "I don't _get_ this. How can you be so...so abstinent?! You're _Remy LeBeau_! You always wanted sex...you were a sex addict."

He switched the lamp on and let his back rest against the cold headboard. "This isn't about who I _was_. It's about who I want to be. And if I _wanted_ pleasure by now, I would have found a way..." he folded his arms. "We're _so over_ this crap, chere."

"You might be," Rogue looked away from him.

He glanced over to her, "what?"

"You might be over it. I'm _not. _You've _had_ all that stuff in your life for years, Remy. _I _haven't. What if I _never_ learn to control my powers..."

"You will...or I will...whatever I have..." he looked at his hands, "I feel like it's the answer. But we need time. _I _need time."

Rogue sighed and rolled over to lie down, her back facing him, "fine."

"Oh, come _on_. Don't be like that..." he groaned.

She said nothing, just remained still, back turned to him.

He moved closer, to lie beside her, "I know there's a lot we could do," he murmured softly to her ear, "but there's nothing romantic about it...not like it _could_ be."

She shifted away from him, "don't."

"Fine..." he sighed, "I give up," he rolled over so that their backs were facing, he closed his eyes and tried to blank his mind and go to sleep; however, it was futile.


	3. Chapter 3 Remy's Revelation

Chapter 3 – Remy's Revelation

At six am, Remy was still awake and unable to sleep, although exhaustion was nagging at him and his conscience was somewhat guilty. Rogue, apparently, had less trouble sleeping, and he spent most of the time in bed listening to her deep and even breathing as she slumbered.

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, and he dragged himself out of bed into the cold of the room to go downstairs; the mansion kitchen was warm at least; which was why Remy was not surprised to find Kitty Pryde sitting at the kitchen table there with her son Caleb as he entered from the hall.

However, he was surprised to walk in on her breast-feeding; he stopped in mid "good morning", and turned away, face flushing red. "Oh, come _on!_" he groaned, "that's where people eat breakfast!"

Kitty chortled, "and my son is having his."

Making a face, he moved to the coffee maker – Kitty had started a pot although she was no-longer drinking anything with caffeine due to her breast-feeding.

"You look like you've had a rough night," said Kitty; she had a small blue crocheted blanket draped over her shoulder covering the baby's head.

"Yeah," he yawned; he poured himself a cup of coffee and then went to the fridge to find the milk, of which he found none. "No milk...no cream..." he uttered in dismay.

"The guests have cleaned us out of nearly everything. There's no sugar, bread, butter, or cereal anymore either. We really need to get to the grocery store today – hopefully it's open..."

Remy sighed and placed his mug of black coffee upon the table and took a seat.

"So how come you didn't sleep?" Kitty asked, she shifted uncomfortably beneath the blanket and something told Remy she was having problems with feeding the child.

"Another fight with Rogue – go figure."

"I heard there was a proposal after I left. Ororo told me when I got up for Caleb's 2am feeding."

"Yeah. It was unexpected – and really bad timing. She seemed okay when I said I wanted to wait until I've...you know, sorted my life out..." he wrapped both hands around the mug to keep his fingers warm.

"So what was the fight about?" Kitty raised the edge of the blanket to look under at the child.

"Nothing important," he replied, he stared at her, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah, he's just...not feeding very well..." Kitty answered, confirming Remy's suspicion.

Remy stared down into his cup, "are you latching him on right?"

"Hmmm?" Kitty raised her eyes questioningly at him.

"Maybe he's just not getting enough milk..."

Kitty raised an eyebrow at him, "oh yeah, that's right. You read all the baby books years ago..."

"Some stuff stuck. Although I don't know why I read the chapter on breast-feeding. My pecs don't produce much of anything."

"Just think, when you get old and gain weight, you'll have boobs just like mine," Kitty grinned. "Besides; you never know when information will come in handy about breastfeeding. Maybe in a few years...you and Rogue might figure out how to have a kid..."

"I think for now, Jessie is enough to handle..." Remy took a sip from his cup. "She was glad me and Rogue are going to wait to get married; she thinks I'd forget all about her if I got married."

Kitty shifted and winced uncomfortably. "She's really insecure and paranoid – I guess it's no surprise though considering all she's been through. Besides, you haven't been in her life _that_ long – and she probably knows how fleeting you can be with your coming back and forth."

"But I'm not going _anywhere _this time around."

The baby began to whimper and struggle slightly beneath the blanket.

"It's starting to hurt. You have _no_ idea how sore this is."

"Yes I do. I had an encounter five years ago with this lady who used to like biting...least said, soonest mended."

"Ow. Biting? Hard?"

"She drew blood."

"Vampire?"

"Sadomascochist...it was a very short lived relationship."

"Does _Rogue_ know about that?"

"God, no. I could never tell her all the weird stuff about my sexual history – she'd hold it all against me...especially since we can't...you know."

Kitty chewed the inside of her cheek, "how many times have you and Rogue been...experimental?"

"A few."

"A few? You've been together on and off for like ten years. How do you justify a _few_ times?" Kitty raised an eyebrow.

"We were fighting for most of the ten years...I guess that's how you justify it."

"I don't know how you do it," Kitty remarked, "I'm not the most outward girl in the place but even I get...y'know...frustrated...if nothing's happening. I can't _imagine_ how Rogue feels sometimes."

Remy had only briefly considered Rogue's frustration, but hadn't truly taken the time to really focus on it and try and look at it from her perspective.

"Have you ever had this time...like...you've been _so _needy that you couldn't like...help but act crazy?"

"A few times," he shrugged. "But it's been a long time since I...you know...had that kind of drive..."

"Is it your depression?" Kitty asked quietly.

Remy sipped from his cup before answering, "I think so. I mean...maybe I'm just past my peak, I don't know...either way...I'm not really on top form the way I was..."

Kitty's eyes were sad, "how did you get diagnosed? I mean...what happened in between you leaving and all the stuff with the GMCF? There's so much you never told us..."

He looked away, "some stuff I don't think really needs telling...there's a lot I'm _not_ proud of, petit."

"Like?"

"I don't think I should say. It would change how you look at me...you're my best friend and I couldn't bear to give you any reason to feel disappointed in me..."

Kitty gave an ironic laugh, "you think anything you could _say_ could make me disappointed in you, Remy? Hello! I had a kid to a nineteen year old hacker – who I slept with in exchange for hacking software."

"You never told me it was in _exchange_," Remy frowned.

"I just did," Kitty pointed out. "And yes, it's humiliating, and _yes,_ it was stupid having unprotected sex...but I have a beautiful _healthy_ son out of it...and anyway, my point is, if I could do something like _that_, how could I have any _right_ to comment on how you lived _your_ life while you weren't here?"

He looked down to the table as he ran his fingers along the grain of the wood, his memory drifting back to a painful past he'd rather have never lived. "When I left...I was in a mess...not just mentally, but physically. My back had never been _right_ since that fight with my sister on Muir Island...and Jared's powers had jarred my spine. I was in _so much_ pain that moving...walking...was agony. So I started taking painkillers..."

Kitty's eyes softened as she listened.

"It started with mild stuff – over the counter. But they stopped working the more and more my body just adjusted to them...and I couldn't just go to a doctor and get a prescription since I was on the run for murder, so...I found dealers...the ones with the stronger stuff. In between tryin' to get over what happened, bein' without Rogue, and getting over the pain, I started to get more and more dependent..." he sighed, "while takin' drugs, I had the craziest affairs, fleetin' in and out of flings with married women and prostitutes, just tryin' to block all thoughts of Rogue out of my mind..." his eyes seemed to glaze as he stared into space, remembering things. "I'd lose whole weeks just getting high off my ass – somehow just managing to get home on instinct. I had acquaintances who told me they saw me playing train-dodge games and wandering around Chicago so wasted I couldn't even remember who I was..." he ran his fingers through his hair.

"My god..." Kitty whispered, in shock.

"About four years ago, I woke up from this dream that me and Rogue are together...and I couldn't take it. Ever heard of a speedball?"

Kitty shook her head.

"Cocaine and heroin injection...really stupid, really dangerous. But then at that point, reckless was just about my middle name...and so I had a speedball hit at my dealer's house – and at first it was all fine, but then I had a goddamn heart-attack. I mean, jesus, I was twenty-five years old and I had a heart-attack! My dealer had to put me in the middle of a street and call an ambulance for me – just left me there."

"Oh god! How could he?!" Kitty demanded.

"The drugs he had in his house, he'd have been jailed for most of his life..." Remy sighed, "I don't blame him...and it was my own fault. It'd been my idea to mix the cocaine and the heroin. Anyway, I woke up in hospital lucky to be alive – that's when I met this Doctor..."

"Sinister..." Kitty whispered.

"Called himself Nathaniel Essex...and said that he was something of a geneticist who believed he could _alter_ my genes so I'd be rehabilitated – and that my heart would be fine again. God knows why I didn't just tell him to go to hell...that I wanted to die. He arranged for me to see psychiatrists and they diagnosed me with bipolar disorder – and I went for treatments with Essex and I started to get stronger and less dependent of drugs. But then Essex started usin' his experimental genetic treatments on himself – he _was_ human...but he became...something else...and suddenly his mind wasn't so set on helping people. He ended up working with the government to create the Genoshan Mutant Containment Facility; when I found out I tried to stop him, I got caught and sent there so many times but always managed to get out in the end. Then...Sinister started cloning me, because he figured it'd be the easiest way to prevent me from escape if they all thought as I do...he thought my knowledge in infiltration, thievery, and my skill made me the perfect template for his army of clones..."

Kitty was mesmerised listening to him.

"Alot of...disturbing stuff went on in that lab of his...stuff that _should_ have broken me..."

She looked away, pursing her lips, she didn't want to hear although she knew he was going to tell her.

"To start the clones, he needed my seed...and the extraction process was...agony. An associate of his – mutant with the power to hypnotise - would leave me in hypnotic states to keep me constantly producing as much semen as they needed to grow the clones. And then, the memory extraction began – needles into my brain – deep, deep, deep into my brain, while I was conscious with no anaesthetic...." he winced at the memory. "I should have died, but his 'brilliant' genetic therapy had given me the strength to survive it all..."

Kitty wiped her eyes; she hadn't known she felt a trickle tickling down her left cheek.

"It's all water under the bridge," he stood up and tossed the rest of his leftover now lukewarm coffee into the sink; he stood there for a few moments, leaning on the edge of the counter, looking down into the sink as if it had the answers; he watched the coffee drain away wishing his memories would go with it. "I've been on the edge a lot..." he pushed his hair from his face, "but now...I have a lot to hold me here. I might just find some happiness yet. Maybe some day...Rogue might too."

Kitty watched him leave the room, she sniffled and silently applauded the man for his courage and strength to go on after all he'd been through.


	4. Chapter 4 It's Me

Chapter Four – It's Me

Rogue was awake when Remy returned to his bedroom; she was sitting on the edge of the bed wearing a pair of Xavier's issue jogging pants and sweatshirt – identical to what he was wearing. He felt somewhat amused that they matched.

She glanced over her shoulder to look at him, her hair was a strange tangled mess, hard and stringy looking in some places from where the hairspray she'd been using had been keeping last night's updo neat. "Hi," she said quietly.

He climbed onto the bed and moved behind her, "did you sleep well?" he asked, although he already knew the answer.

"I slept. I wouldnt' say well," she was toying with a lock of her hair as she spoke.

He slid closer, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into him, focusing on trying to block out the pain in his wound as he did so, "I didn't sleep well either," he let his chin rest upon her shoulder.

"Careful," she tried to move away, "I'm not in the mood for your electric shocks today."

Remy gave something of a laugh, and wrestled her down to the bed, "why not. You were last night," he mused.

She looked away from him, her green eyes dark and distant.

"You're mad at me," he sighed, "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? For what? It's not like you _did_ anything."

"And yet I get the feeling that was my error," he smirked.

Rogue looked at him, her expression annoyed, "and yet you find it incredibly funny all the same."

"No I don't," he hovered above her, his nose inches away from hers, "I'm just trying to make it feel less awkward is all."

"Yeah, well it's not working," Rogue sighed, she turned her head from his.

"C'mon, Chere, we've been getting along _good_ lately. Lets not spoil it with arguing on the _first _day of the year."

"What would you like to do? Pretend like there's not a problem here?"

"Hell, Rogue," he sighed and sat up, kneeling above her, straddling her thighs, "I _know_ there's a fucking problem. _It's ME,_ alright."

She seemed somewhat surprised that he was suddenly taking the blame; she said nothing, just stared at him.

"I don't _want_ to have sex. I haven't really _wanted _ it in a very long time," he confessed.

"You've been telling yourself that because you're with _me,_" Rogue remarked.

"I wasn't active for six months before I was _brought back_ here. You hear me? That's nearly a year without sex. God the closest thing I've had to anything is..." he paused.

Her expression went dull, "when I accidentally brought Carol Danvers back."

"No. I accidentally brought her back," he reminded, "because of a stupid impulse. It was me who kissed _you_, remember? But that's _not_ why I..." he sighed.

"Remy, what are you trying to tell me?" Rogue sat up slowly.

"I just..." he trailed off and he looked away. How could he explain how he felt, how the feelings just weren't there, that the drive wasn't behind any touch that she might want? That anything she did to him would feel like empty meaningless pleasure?

Her gloved hands cupped his cheeks and she turned his head so he would look at her, "tell me."

"I have _no_ drive. Even when I _pretend_ I do...the feelings are hardly there..." he finally decided to admit the truth – by the look on her face he already felt like it might have been one of the biggest mistakes he could have made.

"You're not attracted to me?" she asked.

"Of course I'm attracted to you, that's _not_ the issue. I'm just..." he sighed, "y'know what, this is stupid, and it's such a non-issue."

"Remy are you trying to tell me that you're..." she paused, trying to find a nicer way to word it, "not working down there?"

"It's _working,_" he assured, not impressed with her rewording of impotence. "It's my _brain_ that isn't. My mind is too...fucked up right now. How can I let myself _feel_ anything when I have all these thoughts of other stuff going on in my head?"

"Maybe the problem is you aren't _letting_ me help you forget those things. If you'd just give me a chance, maybe it _would_ help if we just..." she placed her hand gently on his thigh and moved it upwards.

"Why does it always have to _come_ to this? Why are you so...obsessed with wanting to...to touch me, to make me feel like that?"

Rogue gave a somewhat bemused laugh, "because...I can't give you much else."

"You give me plenty..."

She laughed, "yeah...you can hold my hand and hug me...it's not much of a comfort the rest of the time..."

"It's comfort enough for me..." he smiled a little, "and believe me if...there ever came a time when I couldn't wait...then you know I'd let you know...I'm not shy about asking for what I want _when _it's something I _do_ want."

Rogue nodded, "alright. I'll let it go, for now..." she stroked his hair from his face.

"Listen...the mansion is out of a lot of stuff, and I figure, since I'm the only one who _didn't_ drink last night that I could drive up there and get us some groceries. Why don't you come with me?"

"Okay," she nodded, she brushed her thumb against his cheek tenderly. "Maybe we could go for breakfast too..."

"Sounds like heaven," he grinned.


	5. Chapter 5 Down the Drain

Chapter Five – Down the Drain

Grocery shopping for the mansion was no easy task; at first it had been simple staples that they'd needed, and then the list grew when Kitty called to ask him to bring in other things for the evening meal. The store was mostly empty despite it being the only one open in Bayville on New Years day.

Remy moved along the aisles feeling somewhat dazed while Rogue went through the list, tossing things into the cart. Was this what married life would feel like? Following a wife around a supermarket at eight am while she did the grocery shopping? He wondered if that's how his marriage to Rogue would eventually be in the future.

His eyes dropped down to Jessie, who had begged to come with them. She was wrapped up in a bright orange park, her fur-edged boots made a squeak on the floor as she danced alongside the cart.

Rogue glanced over her shoulder, "Jessie, walk properly please," she said; Remy wondered if his lady love might be suffering a slight hangover; she certainly had been displaying symptoms of it in the last hour. The paler colour, the tired face...but then she had _barely_ slept, so it was no surprise she was less herself than usual.

"Sorry," Jessie pouted and began to walk at a slow pace beside the cart, hanging onto the handle.

Rogue turned around a corner, Remy slowed to a stop and knelt beside Jessie to speak to her.

"She's not feeling too well this morning," he said quietly, "so lets just be as quiet and nice to her as possible," he smirked.

"Is she hungover?" asked Jessie, quite perceptively.

"Now, how _do _you know a big word like that?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I heard Professor Xavier say almost everyone was _hungover_ this morning," she remarked, she giggled just a little, "what does it mean?"

"I'll tell you when you're twenty-one," he smirked, and they both moved to the next aisle where Rogue was picking up large boxes of cereal that were on sale. She moved over to drop them into the box.

Jessie moved up to Rogue, "what does Hungover mean?"

Rogue glanced down at the child somewhat astonished, then her eyes raised up to Remy disapprovingly.

"What?" he asked.

"Why did you teacher _that_ word?"

"I didn't," Remy replied, then as an afterthought, remarked, "actually I think the _professor_ probably did."

Rogue sighed, "Hungover means feeling ill from too much alcohol."

Remy wished she hadn't explained it to the girl; he found himself wondering if his daughter had ever noticed his being even slightly under the influence in her presence, would she now put two and two together about when _he'd _been slightly hungover? He didn't like the thought of her knowing.

"Ooh," said Jessie, nodding. "Alcohol smells icky," she remarked.

"I agree," said Remy, pretending to sound much more jovial about it; all the while thinking that despite his promise to never drink again, he could sure use a shot or two of Jim Beam to get him through the rest of the morning. It was strange how much he'd never noticed he needed it until _after _he'd stopped drinking.

_My own damn fault,_ he decided.

They finished with their shopping; while the groceries were in the back of the mini-van that belonged to Jean and Scott, the three went for a breakfast at the nearest greasy spoon they could find. Remy only managed to eat a little of his breakfast, he felt more exhausted than hungry, while Rogue scoffed down her entire bagel and cream cheese with bacon, before she ate half of what was on his plate.

Jessie had chosen to have an absurd breakfast of a cheeseburger; any other day he might have tried to persuade her to have something more sensible, but since it was the first day of the year he decided to give her that one little quarter pounder of happiness.

Remy tapped his fingers absently on the table; he glanced out of the window onto the dreary street; the snow was thick outside making everything seem almost monotone.

"You alright?" Rogue asked, noticing his anxiousness.

He made a gesture with his hand to smoke an invisible cigarette while Jessie wasn't looking.

"Oh," said Rogue, quietly. "You need to go now?"

"Yeah," he slid out of the booth, "I'll be back in a few moments."

Rogue nodded.

"Where are you going?" Jessie asked of Remy.

"I need to go make a phone-call at the phone around the corner," he lied, "I'll be back very soon."

"Can I go?"

"No, just eat your breakfast cheeseburger..." he smirked and put on his sunglasses – his easiest form of disguise to hide his mutant eyes from humans.

Outside, he lit the cigarette as soon as he was around the corner; he kept away from the window, he didn't want Jessie to see him smoking. He didn't want to be a bad influence, or for him to worry about him and his nasty habit.

"I'll quit soon," he promised himself in a mumble as he took a long drag of the cigarette, the hot smoke infiltrating his lungs welcoming and familiar.

"Hey, man..." came a mutter from the back of the alley.

Remy squinted and looked hard, there was a guy standing in the shadows; he was shifty and somewhat nervous looking, a baseball cap tipped over his eyes, a jacket over a thick plaid shirt and baggy pants.

"You're not Carl, are you?"

"Uhm, no, I'm not," said Remy. He recognised that look of a drug dealer instantly; he'd been seeing enough of them throughout his life. "I guess you and Carl have a deal..." he gave a distant laugh.

"Maybe. What's it to you. You a cop?"

"No, I'm not."

"You wanna buy? I gots some nice stuff..."

"No thank you..." he exhaled a thick stream of smoke into the cold air. "I quit that shit a _very_ long time ago."

The dealer paused, "how about somethin' to make a new years day party a little more fun?"

Remy raised an eyebrow.

The dealer pulled a little baggie out of his pocket, dangled it between his fingers. A few tiny little yellow pills caught his eye inside. He knew what they were _all_ too well.

"Y'know...I don't think so," he shook his head and was about to walk away, but then he paused as the dealer spoke again.

"C'mon, man. I need the money."

Remy laughed and dropped his cigarette, he stomped it out. "Y'know, you get your money dealing to addicts and kids who don't _know_ any better..." he stepped up to the guy and backed him up into the wall. "How bout you just hand over what you have, and I don't kill you?"

"As if you could," the guy chortled, although he was clearly nervous and crazy-eyed. "That's funny, man."

Remy grabbed him by the neck and forced him directly back into the wall, he heard the thud the guys head made against it. "Do I look like I'm a fucking comedian?" he tilted his head to stare intensely at the guy. "Guys like you ruin the lives of people you sell to!"

"Let go!" the guy gripped onto his arm.

Remy put his hand against the wall and began to charge up the bricks; the guy awkwardly looked over his shoulder to see the intense glow building.

"You're a fucking mutant!" the guy accused.

"If I let go of these bricks, they're gonna explode...so the question is, do you think your drugs are _worth_ risking your life for?"

The guy reached into his pockets and removed all he had, dropping them onto the ground.

"That all?" Remy asked, tightening his grip.

"That's all! I swear, man!" the dealer gasped.

Remy pulled him from the wall and pushed him away, "get out of here, get a goddamn job and a pair of pants that fucking fit."

The guy disappeared around the corner; Remy glanced down to the small bags of drugs. He recognised cocaine, heroin, and weed amongst the Ecstasy tablets. He picked the bags up and went to find the nearest drain. "I gotta get rid of this shit," he said to himself as he approached a drain on the main street; luckily there was no one around to see him as he knelt down and began to empty the baggies one by one into the slots of the drain before tossing the baggies to join them.

"Remy?"

The last bag had been in his fingers and he slipped into his pocket as he heard Rogue's voice. He didn't want her knowing what he'd done, as he saw her standing there with Jessie's hand in hers.

"Was just putting my cigarette down the drain," he lied, he quietly promised he'd dispose of the last bag when he got out of sight of his girlfriend and his daughter.

"Let's go home," Rogue gestured to the parking lot at the other side of the building.

"Yeah," he agreed.


	6. Chapter 6 Ecstasy

Chapter Six – Ecstasy

He checked his pocket once he was alone and in his ensuite bathroom. The bag was still there and he took it out, after glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one had followed him into the bedroom behind him. He examined the bag in his hand...there were twelve tablets inside – the yellow ecstasy tablets that the dealer had been initially trying to offer him.

Remy sighed and opened the bag to tip them into the toilet – but something stopped him, a strange realisation that he _could_ use them to his advantage. He could make good use of them, keep Rogue happy while he underwent therapy and tried to fix his problems.

_No...I can't do that...that'd be...irresponsible. Besides...what if Jessie found them?_

But the thought of Rogue's being strangely cold with him and wanting to be with him in ways that he wasn't too receptive of made him change his mind again about that. He turned away from the toilet and took a pill in his hand. _Just one,_ he thought. _It's New Years day, I want to make Rogue happy...that's all, _he popped it into his mouth and let it dissolve into his tongue a little; it tasted bitter. He moved to the mirror and stood at the sink, he ran the cold water faucet, all the while watching his reflection.

_What are you doing, Remy? _He asked of himself angrily. _You're about to dig your own grave...if anyone finds out...you risk so much..._

He opened his mouth and examined the reflection of the dissolving pill on his tongue. "Just this one off..." he said to himself quietly, "me and Rogue _both_ need this."

He bent over and took a sip of the water, and swallowed the pill, already regretting his decision. It was too late to go back on it now.

_They're probably fakes. Probably yellow-dyed aspirin,_ he mused as he undressed and turned on the shower; he hadn't showered this morning and with all the cold in his room and bathroom, he sure could use something to warm his cold flesh.

In the shower, his thoughts seemed to melt away with the feeling of the cold, he washed his hair thoroughly, trying to get the smell of yesterday's smoke out of it, and he soaped his body three times over, because...after twenty five minutes, the smell of the ylang ylang in the shower gel enveloped him and wrapped him in a strangely comfortable state.

"Remy?" he heard a voice from the bedroom.

He turned the shower off, instantly missing the hot caress of the water. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, "mmmhmm?" he asked.

Rogue was standing in the bedroom, her hair loose at her back, her body clad in her snug fitting leather uniform. Even in what miserable light seeped into the room through the blinds, she was stunning, her presence seemed to light up the room like fairy lights lit up a christmas tree.

"I was thinking of doing a couple of sessions – burn off some christmas and New Year's calories," she patted her non-existent belly. "Want to run the program for me?"

He approached, dripping water all over the carpet; the droplets of water from his hair patted onto his shoulders and chest and he liked that strange sensation. "I'm not authorised to use that stuff anymore," he reminded.

"Bullshit, I can authorise you."

"You look incredible."

Rogue raised an eyebrow, "nice change of subject. I guess that means you _don't_ want to."

"I'm not really interested in danger room training sessions right now."

"Fine," she turned her back and made her way to the door.

He stopped her, stepping quickly behind her and putting his hand on the doorknob before she could grab it, he pushed the door shut hard and pressed his body into her back, "don' go yet."

"I'm not in the mood for games right now, Remy. We've already argued about it once."

Breathing in the scent of her perfume, he closed his eyes, his face near her neck, "not in the mood to argue, either," he admitted, placing his hands on her waist and sliding them up to her ribs.

"What is _up _with you?" she demanded.

"Mmm, interesting question..." he pressed his lower half into her to give her an unspoken answer.

"Oh..." she whispered.

"This leather...so...so soft..." he ran his hands up further to cup her breasts, "like...cold velvet..."

"You're acting really weird," she sighed softly, she leaned on the door, and seemed to be fighting to ignore what was pressing against her backside.

"Mood swing. Don't waste it," he pushed himself up against her harder, and groaned softly into her ear, "been a while since anything's felt_ this _good."

"Something don't feel right," she responded, "you can't have switched _this_ quick."

"You'd be surprised," he sighed happily.

"You're sure?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder at him.

"God, yes," he breathed hotly into her ear, he fumbled with the busks on the corset section of her uniform.

"What are you doing – I can't be naked, you fool..."

"Just tryin' to make you bit more comfy," he felt the towel loosen, and slip, dragging it's soft fabric across his thigh, making him shiver in delight. He kissed her leather-clad shoulder, at the same time he slid his hand down between her legs; she didn't make any noise and he had to wonder if perhaps his reluctance to participate in sexual activities for the past year had left him inexperienced and useless.

"This leather thing is in the way, chere," he moaned, he pushed harder against her backside, then bit into her shoulder to suppress a loud moan, "need to figure...somethin' out."

"One of us has to be dressed, sugar..."

He raised his head and let his tongue graze her ear; tiny sparks jolted between them making her gasp and try to flinch away; strangely he found that highly erotic. That little torture, that little pain. What else would she feel at his touch? How much could she take?

Tenatively, he tugged on the zip on the front of her uniform, to just above her breastline.

"No, stop..." she turned around awkwardly and wrestled him for control of his hands, she grasped his wrists up high.

"Y' t'ink that gon' stop me?" he laughed softly, dipping his head to pull the zip between his teeth, tugging it further down, aware that his damp hair tickled her skin. He felt her shivering in reaction.

"Are you tryin' to kill yourself?" she demanded, she tried to wrestle him back a little.

He grazed his tongue gently against the space between her breasts, letting the sparks travel; she trembled and pushed him back from; the perpetual motion of him falling sent them both sprawling to the floor with her ontop, he quickly rolled and pinned her, lowering his body against hers to let her feel his length on the inside of her right thigh.

"Is it me you're worried 'bout?" he took the zip between his fingers and pulled it down slowly, watching as more and more of her skin was revealed. "Or yourself?" his eyes roved the V of skin that was revealed when the zip hit it's hilt, he admired the bulge of her breasts just visible on each side.

She watched him, somewhere between stunned and scared, "both of us," she replied.

"Don't worry 'bout me..." he brushed his tongue between her breasts; her back arched as the current spasmed through her, he felt her muscles contract, her thighs tightened on his. "I can be real, real careful..." he gently curled his fingers around the edges of the uniform opening, and pried it apart to reveal her breasts. Large, and soft, tanlines still slightly evident from summer. "You're so...perfect," he whispered lovingly.

Rogue's face flushed with the embarrassment; she'd never let him see her breasts before...the closest had been in a bra. Strangely, she had more clothes on now than then yet felt ever so much more naked than then.

Remy felt a deep sense of amusement and admiration for her embarrassment. Had she thought when he'd propositioned her that he'd be the only one on the receiving end? He thought her foolish to assume it. He dipped his head to flick his tongue quickly yet deliberately against her left nipple; this time she moaned, and it was evidently in pain, he couldn't ignore the sound of pleasure mingled with it. He experimented more with his tongue upon her breasts while she flinched and writhed below him, half in pain, half in ecstasy she'd never known. He gave her momentary breaks, wetting her nipples with his tongue and then giving her time to recover while he gently blew upon them.

"Never thought this new power could be so...interestin'," he confessed.

"Hurts so much..." she groaned.

"Doesn't seem to be causin' any lastin' damage..." he noted, her hands were in his hair and the thought of her hands being everywhere else across his body was almost close enough to drive him to the edge. He tried to focus. _Not yet. This isn't about me..._

"D'you think y'can make it to the next step?" he whispered hotly near her ear.

"Hmmm?"

He tugged on her uniform, pulling it down her shoulders, down her arms.

"No...not that..." she tried to stop him.

"I gotta..." he moaned, he kissed her arm sending trickles of electricity up her arms, she grabbed his hair tight and moaned, "I've kept you waitin'...for far too long..."

"It's too much flesh to expose..."

"I'll be _very _careful, cherie," he promised, and he tugged the uniform off awkwardly; he wondered how she managed to squeeze herself into it, tight as it was. Naked, she lay on the carpet, reminding him of a beautiful work of art, he knelt up and admired her for some moments before easing her legs open gently.

She sat up awkwardly, "no...we can't...it'll hurt too much," she whispered, her eyes were already watering from the pain of before.

He ignored her change of mind; it was too late to go back with this now. Tentatively, he let the tip of his pinky graze between her legs raising and dropping it in a soft dotting motion.

"Oh god!" she screamed, her back ached, her hair spilled onto the carpet like curls of white and dark chocolate.

He didn't care about the volume of the moans as his fingers danced across where she needed to feel it the most; he watched her writhe in the mixture of pleasure and agony, her lip bled as she bit hard into it to try and stop from crying out.

He laughed, "I think I'm gonna like these new powers..." he tickled her, varying how long he'd let the contact and currents linger before pulling his hand away.

Her hands buried in her own hair, her eyes closed tightly, lip red with her own blood; and then it was over in one final lingering caress. Her body tensed so hard he saw her stomach tighten, thighs shaking, a succession of staggered breaths and sobs coming from her. Perhaps it was the sight of her reaching that climax that finally sent him over the edge; even without touch, the pleasure came like a sudden burst that made him moan in unison with her. He pulled away from her completely, and lay beside her on his side to watch her. She rolled onto her side to face him, although her eyes were closed tightly, she curled up, breathing heavy, still gripping her hair as if it gave her power to hold onto the feeling.

With the towel from the floor, he wiped the blood from her mouth, he saw the cut her tooth had made upon her bottom lip and felt somewhat guilty for having made her bleed. After several moments of lying watching her, feeling oddly at peace and more in love with her than he'd ever been. He reached over to gently caress her hair. "I love you so much..." he sighed happily.

Her eyes opened, tears dribbled down her nose and fell onto the carpet, yet he somehow knew that the tears were from the pain and not from anger or humiliation.

She sat up, still breathing heavy, she pulled her knees to her chest, but didn't take her eyes away from him; the feeling of enlightenment left him imagining that she saw him in a very different light now, just as he knew she would the minute sex changed everything, even if it had only been gentle caressing.

He sat up and pulled the blankets down from the bed to wrap them around her exposed body before pulling her to him to embrace her; she sank into him, resting her cheek upon the edge of the blanket draped over his chest. There were no words, just the comfortable silence, and a feeling that all was right with the world.

The End...Or is it?!?! MWAHAHAHAHAH

I'm sure the few who still keep up with this story are either sitting drooling or gasping in disgust...either way, I felt it was time that Remy and Rogue needed an intimate encounter. FYI I do not condone drugs...they're a plot element here, I'm not a drug user, and I'm sure the real Evolution Remy never touched them either...but this is fanfiction land and things are skewed. Anyway....don't flame me, please....


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